Shalom Halloween

Overheard while waiting for trick-or-treaters and the end of Shabbat on Washington Street, Saturday night.

Aaron: "Mom, where's the candy?"

Aaron's mom: "And what are you supposed to be?"

Aaron: "A Jewish person."

Let's get physical

It's 80s day at my place of employment. Hello, Spirit Week! Jealous? Since 100% of the Spirit Week participants were born after the 80s had ended (gulp), they have a very interesting interpretation of 80s fashion. Basically, they think that everyone in the 80s dressed like Olivia Newton-John or Jane Fonda: leg warmers, sweatbands, spandex, and side ponytails. To them, the 80s were just one big aerobics video.

Always looking for teachable moments, I'd like to propose a little research project before the next Spirit Week. A quick Google search would open up some alternatives to spandex and sweat bands. Or, just ask your parents.
May I suggest you start with a Benetton rugby?
A "Frankie Says Relax" T-shirt?
Some goomie bracelets?
A Gunne Sax dress in fuchsia or electric blue?
Anything with shoulder pads?
A pair of jellies?
A Members Only jacket?
Some acid-wash jeans?

Girls, you have a whole year and some moms with big closets. Let's kick it up a notch in 2010.

Weird day

A 6-year-old boy threw up in a bucket on national television. Then it snowed during my drive to work. The pickles at lunch tasted funny. When I got home, Pedro was pitching to Manny in a play off game, and neither of them were playing for the Sox.

From the department of duh

A hate crime you say? As opposed to, um, a crime of passion?

Put a lid on it

I'd rather put a ring on it. But I am not Beyonce, and apparently the 2009 Red Sox are not a championship team. There's nothing left to do but say good bye to a few of my favorite things.

Good bye, Jacoby stealing home against Pettitte.
Good bye, Nomar's return to Boston.
Good bye, Dustin Pedroia coming to bat to "Dre Day."
Good bye, Mom and Dad at Fenway.
Good bye, Sweet Tarts and homemade baked goods in section 7.
Good bye, amazing Opening Day seats.
Good bye, Jay Bay?
Good bye, talking baseball with Jordan.
Good bye, almost no-hitters and related stomach aches.
Good bye, Eck.

Good bye, summer.

Photoshop voodoo, 2009

Sorry, Red Sox. I forgot to unleash my Photoshop voodoo for game one, and look what happened. In truth, I'd rather direct this brand of ire toward first base umpire C.B. Bucknor. I didn't know C.B. stood for Calls Badly. But in the end, Torii Hunter (you have to tip your cap to that bold first name spelling) was the one who did the most damage to Sox. That ends today.

Wicked good movies

Thanks to the investigative reporting of boston.com, I learned that there currently is a bill pending in the Massachusetts state legislature that seeks to recognize Fever Pitch as the official movie of the Commonwealth. Really? With all due respect to my elected officials and the Farrelly brothers, that is just retahded. That movie does not represent; in fact, it makes me cringe. Crikey, it stars Jimmy Fallon. If we're naming an official state movie, it better have Matt Damon in it. Or a Wahlberg.

Here are 10 better options:

Honorable mentions: Soul Man, Little Women, The Paper Chase, The Thomas Crowne Affair (the one with Steve McQueen), A Civil Action

10. One Crazy Summer. A little on the silly side, but a classic '80s flick set on Nantucket. It also marks the first time I ever saw a dog with one of those cones around his head, and those things still make me giggle inappropriately.
9. The Crucible. Admittedly, the book is much better than this movie. But come on: Salem witch trials AND Daniel Day Lewis? It's hard to argue with that.
8. The Verdict. Remember when Paul Newman finally won an Oscar for Color of Money and everyone made a big deal about it because he was so overdue for the award? Well, watch this movie and you'll see what all the fuss was about. Plus, he plays a lawyer who sues the Boston Archdiocese; as it turns out, that establishment proved to be a worthy movie villain.
7. Love Story. Full disclosure: I really just love Ali McGraw's clothes in this movie. Excuse me, I am OBSESSED with her clothes. So the fact that it's a sappy love story set at Harvard is sort of secondary.
6. Perfect Storm. You might just remember that really big wave (and sexy, working-class George Clooney). But the movie (and the book, which is better) illustrates the dangers faced by the Gloucester fishermen, who are a pretty important part of this state's culture and history. And of course it garners tons of Wahlberg bonus points.
5. Next Stop, Wonderland. What a clever title. It makes riding the T sound so magical and romantic. In other words, this is a fantasy film. But, it's a sweet little movie, too.
4. (tie) Gone Baby, Gone and Mystic River. As time passes, I am having trouble remembering which is which. Both are based on Dennis Lehane novels. Both are set in Southie. Both involve gruesome crimes. So it really comes down to personal preference, and your feelings about Casey Affleck and Sean Penn.
3. Jaws. At first thought, this probably doesn't fit the typical Massachusetts movie mold. It's basically a movie about one bad-ass shark. But just three weeks ago the Chatham beaches were closed due to the sighting of five sharks in the area, include a great white. So really, what's more Massachusetts than Jaws?
2. The Departed. At its core, The Departed is a kick-ass Scorsese movie with an A-list cast and a good soundtrack that just happens to be set in Boston. It probably could have been set in any other city in the world (perhaps Hong Kong, where it was originally set when it was called Infernal Affairs). Still, just like I can't imagine The Departed without Leo, Matt or Jack, I can't imagine it without Boston either.
1. Good Will Hunting. I got your official state movie right here. It has everything: Southie, Cambridge, the red line, Boston Common, a cute story about Carlton Fisk's homerun in the 1975 series, two Afflecks, one Damon. (Matt, not Johnny. That's another strike against Fever Pitch!) Written by two boys from Boston, filmed in Boston, it's orignial, authentic, and instrinsically tied to this specific place. And it's really, really good.

How do you like them apples?

Mission: Ben and Jenn

I have had it. I am sick and tired of finding out, after the fact, about all the places Ben and Jenn are visiting while they are in town. They went to Trader Joes? I go to Trader Joes all the friggin' time. They go to Cask n' Flagon? Been there, done that. We're running in parallel circles, and it's high time we link up for my very own Ben and Jenn sighting.

I don't even know why I care. I kind of can't stand Ben. Especially when he saunters in and sits in the owners' box during playoff games. Then I actually hate him. I am a little more tolerant of Jenn. Mostly because she's my hair idol.

But for whatever reason, I need to see them. On the streets of Cambridge. Browsing in a store. At the next table in a restaurant. You guys can pick the place. And if you throw in a side of John Hamm, I'll be your best friend forever.

Make it work

Girl, please. Don't waste your time or money pouring over that three-pound issue of Vogue. You could get tennis elbow lugging that thing around. Maybe that's what made Serena so mad on Saturday night. All you have to do is take a quick look outside my office for this fall's latest fashion trends. (Assuming that 15-year-olds set trends, of course.)

1. Skinny jeans. If you're wearing denim, it better be slim fit and tapered at the ankle. Wear your skinny jeans with flip flops. Wear them with cowboy boots. Wear them with flats if you're fancy. And of course, wear them with Uggs.

2. About 18 different versions of this dress.



What a surprise: this also can be worn with flip flops, flats or Uggs.

3. Plaid and flannel shirts. Hooray, a shout-out to the early '90s! Oh wait, you need to pair these plaid shirts with a big black belt? Over skinny jeans? Or leggings? My bad.

4. Did I just mention leggings? Get over it, people: leggings are here to stay. But please remember to wear leggings and not tights. Because tights are not pants.

5. Weird headbands. In some sort of homage to Pocahontas, it's cool to push your skinny headband forward so it sits in the middle of your forehand. I sometimes wonder if there's some demented yet powerful self-proclaimed fashion icon influencing these girls.


6. Scarves. If Zac Efron and Robert Pattinson rock scarves all summer long, they are somehow NOT going to show up in the hallways of a high school?

7. Oversized book bags. Imagine the biggest back pack you could ever order from L.L. Bean, or the largest Longchamp bag known to man. Then, fill that bag with the equivalent of the reference section of the Library of Congress. Then leave that bag in the middle of the hall.

And finally, a word to the wise: if you're talking about fashion, make sure you are using the correct vernacular. If you would like to pay someone a compliment about her fabulous first-day-of-school outfit, do not say, "I like your dress. It's so pretty." You have to say, "I am OBSESSED with your dress." Because apparently obsession is the only way to express any level of appreciation. Ask Anna Wintour. I bet she is OBSESSED with Uggs.

D. O. B.

It wasn't really a line at the door; it was more like a back up. Two patrons stood uncomfortably inside. A third talked to (pleaded with) the bouncer while trying to appear confident and tough. The reason for the small delay quickly came into focus. After a nonsensical discussion of birth dates, the third patron accepted his fate and looked quizzically at his compadres. They both issued a shoulder shrug/eye roll and slinked out the door. One looked right at me and said, "It's lame here, anyway." As if to say, "don't go in to this bar, it's all a bunch of losers born before 1988." As if to say, "you're better off joining us on our leather couch where we will drink Natty Light out of a can and make fun of our friend with the bad I.D."

A tempting offer, gentlemen. But since I was actually alive during the Reagan administration, I think I'll take my chances right here.

Memory of a Senator

Opening Day 2009

A Bay Bay

Jason Bay is sort of the Red Sox 2009 version of Forest Gump. He's not stupid is as stupid does, and he's not from Greenbough, Alabama (in fact, he's Canadian), but he has demonstrated a talent for simple yet sage pearls of wisdom in his post game comments.

After going 0-15 in a series earlier this summer, including a game with five strikeouts, he told reporters, "Such is life."

Sunday night, after scoring from first base on an error by Robinson Cano, he noted, "I didn’t even see it. I just kind of kept running. Just kept running, because you’ve got nothing else to do, you might as well run it out."

And that's all I have to say about that.

40 Shades of Green

Summer concert series

Lenox, Mass. Film Night at Tanglewood. Idyllic and magical. John Williams, the Boston Pops, and movie music for the ages, all under the stars.


Boston, Mass. WFNX Best Music Poll Concert at Government Center. Smoke and cement. Passion Pit and Metric (surprise -- we're acoustic!) amidst the tattooed and unwashed.


Boston, Mass. Van Morrison at the Wang Center. Legendary and determined. Astral Weeks without a hint of nostalgia or crowd-pandering.

Tribute

The films of John Hughes: Influential. Memorable. Quoted in my high school yearbook. Quoted everywhere. Voice of a generation. Soundtrack to our adolescence. Personal. Real.

Celebrated and missed.