Really? Because the Internet says you are. Isn't that the your whole system, right there? You use the Internet to tell us when the movie will be playing; we trust that information to be accurate and show up accordingly. You're already the worst movie theater in a 15-mile radius, and I was only going to give you my money because you happen to be playing Footloose at the time that worked best for me. We now are so over, we need a new word for over. I will NEVER set foot in your stupid theater again.
Disgusted, I returned home, and decide to cheer myself up by watching Love and Other Drugs. How bad could it be? It's got a whole lot of Jake Gyllenhaal in it, and I heard he gets naked. Oh. My. God. It's so bad. It's shockingly bad. I literally said out loud, to myself, "This is bad!"
Usually, when I think a movie is bad, I can find at least one thing in it to like. I am just that kind of glass-half-full movie reviewer. Like, this movie is dumb, but I love her apartment. Or, that didn't really work, but I love the song they played over the credits. Not the case with Love and Other Drugs. I just kept finding more ways that it failed. Here are a few:
1) It's supposed to take place in 1996. The opening scene is Jake selling electronics while the Spin Doctors' "Two Princes" merrily plays. Get it? Spin Doctors = the '90s! Except I know (really know, like I didn't have to look it up on Wikipedia or anything) that song came out in 1991. They played at Rachel's prom, I saw them in Boston the second week of freshman year, and by the time 1996 rolled around, "Two Princes" was Muzak in a elevator and the Spin Doctors were a VH1 footnote. Do your research, Love and Other Drugs. We're six minutes in, and I hate you already.
2) Jake has a brother in the movie, and he's played by Josh Gad. This is going to be mean, but this is Josh Gad:
3) So not only is Josh Gad Jake's brother, he's also supposed to have an Internet start up that had an $35 million IPO. Get it? It's the 90s! So he's very, very rich. Yet for some reason, when his wife leaves him about half way through the movie, he has to move in with Jake. If you had $35 million and your wife left you, would you a) just stay in your phat house, since she left you b) check in to a fancy hotel/rent a luxury apartment or c) sleep on your brother's couch in Pittsburgh. Well, you're not in Love and Other Drugs.
4) Anne Hathaway works in a coffee shop, has no health insurance, and pays for her very expensive medication with large wads of cash. I hate stuff like this in movies. Where is she getting her friggin' money?
5) I think we're supposed to believe that Anne Hathaway and Jake Gyllenhaal fall in love because they're both "damaged" and have "baggage." Except, it's never really clear what's wrong with him. He didn't finish college? His siblings are successful? I am not sure. All I can see is that he's really hot, super ambitious, incredibly charming, and very good at his job. She, on the other hand, is 26 years old and has Parkinson's. Somehow I think she wins on the baggage scale.
6) She also wear overalls. I think because she's supposed to be whimsical and artistic. But man, I hate overalls.
7) In movies like this, you're supposed to really like both the characters and root for them to be together. Well, I wanted to punch them in the face. I was rooting for them to break up, and was disappointed when they didn't. I don't think that was the intended reaction.
Looking back on my Sunday evening, I may have been better off staying at the hated Chestnut Hill AMC Theater and sitting in the theater that was not playing the 7:45 Footloose.
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